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The Ramblings of Ridiculicious

International Humorist

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Hearing Things
Here is what I didn't hear last night:  someone breaking in my car;  my neighbor's alarm going off for hours; and the police knocking on my door.

A couple of months ago, I got super sick and lost my hearing in one ear.  Since then, I hear nothing but the ocean in my right ear.  This has some advantages.  Ear plugs for concerts last twice as long because I only need to use one at a time.  If I fall asleep on my left side, I can't hear a single thing but the ocean which makes for a very peaceful night's sleep. And I don't have to listen to people blathering on -- as long as they sit to my right side that is.

I've noticed though that when someone wants to tell  me secret, they always go for the deaf ear -- no matter how I am facing them. Once, someone told me they had monkey caged in their basement. The thing that struck me as weird was they don't even have a basement!  And there was the time when someone told me they were thinking about killing themselves and I just smiled and nodded not sure what they said for sure. And that time a guy whispered in my ear and I thought he asked me if I wanted to see the dead.  The look on my face was probably not what he expected.

I smile and nod. And they get up and leave. You can call it unfortunate, but I call it fortunate.

It's like my grandfather who had what I call "Selective Hearing."  He was only deaf when he felt like it, like when my grandmother asked him to do some shit around the house.  My deafness is real, but who says I have to ask what someone really said. It's so much more fun to guess what people say.

Yep, you can tell me a secret now and I will take it to the vault. Mostly, because I have no idea what you just told me.

In some ways, I think it's Karma. For months, when the horrible construction was going on in my neighborhood and the beep beep beeping from the trucks backing up stabbed my soul repeatedly, I wished I were deaf. Be careful what you wish for.

So anyway with my deafness, I didn't hear the windows crashing in, nor the alarm, nor the police last night. And I'm okay with that. I really am.

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No health insurance. Don't know if it's permanent. I prolly need a tube in my ear. I've always had severe infections and many problems with that ear, so it wouldn't surprise me if it was permanent.

I've missed your posts. Glad you are back, gimpy or whatever not withstanding.

Thanks brotha. I will be writing more. Missed you too.

I lost about 60-70% of my hearing for a few months when I was in grad school. It was a really freakish, horrible time. I remember sitting in meetings and not even being able to hear the person next to me. Apparently it was an infection and it went away after a few months.

Sorry you're having this problem :(

I was going to make an enprise joke, but stopped myself. It was pretty terrible anyway.

Seriously, though, sorry to hear about the recent handicap and more recent car burglary. But I am glad to see you back.

That whole enprise thing... Thanks whore.

You're very brave about your misfortunes. I hope the deafness turns out to be temporary. And that the thief has a painful accident.

I'll tell you a secret -- you have some of the zaniest icons on my whole F-list. Shhhhhhhhhh...

Sorry about the hearing loss, but glad you are still alive.

Thanks. I guess? I'm catching up. Just had a dry spell. But I'm back! Whore!

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